JIM Kobylecky, Writer & Producer

FADE UP ON

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM

"Our eyes" move from frame to frame on a colored storyboard. The drawings depict a tall, active woman dressed in goggles and a flight jacket facing an ordinary looking man in an ordinary suit. We’re in the middle of a script presentation. We hear the voices of the Ad Executives pitching the actors’ parts. There is a violin playing softly.

TOM

(voice over)

You -- you came back?

MARSHA

(voice over)

Someone had to.

Next panel: She holds the wimp at arm’s length.

TOM

(voice over)

But what about Stanley?

Next panel. She laughs but holds him closer.

MARSHA

(voice over, she laughs)

Stanley? That hollow shell? All he had was muscles. But you? You have ..

TOM

(voice over)

Yes?

Next panel has them embracing and turning toward the camera. "WE" lower the script to reveal conference room with --

MARSHA, a tall, slim, active ad exec with flying helmet and scarf over her business suit. She sweeps TOM, a young writer in a grunge suit, closer in a semi-embrace. In the corner of the frame is BROOKER T. LAWRENCE, the studio chief, playing the violin.

MARSHA

(to Tom)

You have ...

TOM

(to Marsha)

Yes?

Marsha abruptly turns to "camera." Brooker crescendos.

MARSHA

(brightly)

"Insensitivity" the New Man’s Cologne from MaxiLon.

Marsha and Brooker focus on "us." Tom stares up at Marsha.

MARSHA

Well?

Brooker

What do you think? Terrific huh?

Tom

(weakly)

More.

She drops him out of frame. We see the edges of the storyboard being crumpled in the bottom frame.

"US"

(VO)

Grrrrr.

Marsha

Maybe not terrific?

Brooker

A little slow, huh?

Marsha

Characters a bit dull?

Brooker

Plot’s weak?

Marsha

I came on too soft?

Tom’s head re-emerges.

Tom

(plaintively)

More.

She shoves him down without looking.

Brooker

Bad concept?

Growl builds as "our" hammy fist crumples storyboard in foreground.

"Us"

(Roaring.)

You just don’t get it!

Follow fist as it throws script out the conference room window.

CUT.

EXT: OFFICE BUILDING.

We see script flying out upper story window. We follow the pages floating down revealing a balding man in a patched tweed coat, JIM KOLBY, standing outside impressive entrance doors. They are marked "Create-a-Mercial, Inc. -- Where the Creativity starts on our door."

JIM

(looking up and shivering)

Snow?

Change angle to closer/side. He tucks his own script under his arm as he straightens his ordinary tie and squares his unremarkable shoulders.

JIM

(to himself)

Here we go. They can’t say no forever. Can they?

We follow slightly as he steps through the doors. They swing shut blocking our view and making clear the forbidding sign (formerly obscured): "Absolutely No ex-Corporate Scriptwriters -- This means YOU!"

Receptionist

(voice over -- female)

You! Again!!

JIM

(voice over)

If I could just see Mr. Lawrence. Please.

Receptionist

(voice over)

NO!!!

Doors fly open as Jim is tossed down the steps by TINY RECEPTIONIST.

EXT: THE GUTTER. LOW ANGLE.

Jim rolls into gutter. There are some crumpled up sheets of storyboard lying right by his nose.

JIM

(stirring)

It’s not who you know -- it’s who you throw.

He sees storyboard. Raises himself up on elbows to read.

JIM

What’s this? An Infomercial? For New Man’s Cologne? Not bad. Oh, it’s a little slow. The characters are dull. The plot’s weak. The female lead comes on wrong. But its only real flaw is that they just don’t get it. I could fix this in an afternoon.

Almost raises himself up. Realizes. Settles back down. Slowly closes his eyes...

JIM

Wait. Who am I kidding? I’m a virtual unknown. All those years of corporate experience have bought me is a one way ticket to Pariah’s-Ville. I might as well lie here until they wash the street -- and drown.

Enter the toes of two highly polished Oxblood wing tips.

Voice

(BIG voice, VO, slight, soft, Austrian accent)

Or you could stand up?

Jim’s eyes open and bug out.

CUT to Jim’s view.

POV tilt from the toes up and up and up until ARNOLD, himself, glares down on us from his wide shouldered pin-striped Power Suit.

JIM

(in astonishment)

Arnold?

Arnold reaches down and grabs the camera.

Arnold

That’s right, kid.

CUT

to side shot as head and shoulders Arnold lifts him into frame.

Arnold

Don’t remember me, do you?

JIM

Sure-sure I do. You’re Arnold of Arnold’s Power Suits.

Arnold drops Jim, who totters in bewilderment. 

Arnold

Nyah, kid, before that -- when I was working at Tektronix to support my body building habit. I saw one of your tapes -- about the static electric charge ...

JIM

The one that crawled out of the oscilloscope and told bad jokes?

Arnold straightens Jim up and dusts him off.

Arnold

Ya, that one! It taught me to think BIG. I always meant to thank you. Come on, I'll buy you a cup of GOOD coffee.

They start to walk.

Exit frame to

INT: ARNOLD’S KIND OF COFFEE SHOP --

Viennese with zither music and Wonder Bra waitresses.

DISSOLVE to spoon stirring espresso. CUT to small table.

JIM

(first voice over, then full)

So that’s the story. Even when I can get in to see them, they have me type cast as some kind of corporate toady, an oscilloscope hugging fool. They ignore what I can do!

Arnold

(in what passes for thought)

Hmm.

JIM

I just can’t understand it. Uh, Waitress, could we have some more coffee, please?

Nearby WAITRESS, reading German movie magazine (Arnold on cover), ignores him.

JIM

Uh, Ma’am, please, could we, uh, please?

Arnold wakes from thought. Smashes table into a thousand pieces.

Arnold

Mädchen, more java!

Six Waitresses run up with cups, pots and a new table. Through the confusion we center on Arnold’s gleaming eyes as he stares at Jim.

Arnold

They ignore you because you DRESS to be IGNORED.

 

INT: ARNOLD’S SHOP.

It’s half haberdashery and half industrial robotics.

DISSOLVE

into a cu of the welding flame gleaming across Arnold’s face mask. He lifts it.

Arnold

Well, what do you think so far?

CUT

to Jim, partially plastered with robotic shoulders and biceps.

JIM

But Arnold, these muscles aren’t mine.

Arnold

They will be when you pay up.

JIM

But this isn’t the real me.

Arnold

Who’s that? All I’ve done is make a taller ... stronger ... more REAL you.

JIM

Shouldn’t this take years of hard work, expensive machines and club memberships?

Arnold

You spent years of hard work and schooling to become a writer! Are you going to let the lack of a few adjectives, like "AWESOME" stop you now?

JIM

I don’t know.

Arnold

You’ve EARNED who you are. So has every brick-layer, architect or engineer I make a suit for. They’re not buying muscles, they’re buying the POWER to succeed. The power to be themselves.

JIM nods to himself.

Arnold

Besides, which would you prefer -- fifteen years of pumping iron and thirty thousand in gym fees -- or a fifteen minute fitting for a thousand dollar Arnold Power Suit™?

JIM

Okay. The Suit. Let’s ...

Arnold shoves down his welder’s mask and flicks on the torch.

Arnold

... get dangerous.

Dissolve

EXT: STUDIO DOORS.

Arc becomes a reflection as huge, Gucci’ed shoulders lurch into the frame. A, powerful, impeccably dressed arm smashes the doors open. Reveal Lobby.

INT: OFFICE LOBBY.

Medium close up. She looks up as shadow covers her.

Receptionist

What? You again! You ... You’re ...?

POV tilt up to Jim, AWESOME in his new Power Suit.

JIM

(powerfully)

I want to see Mr. Lawrence.

CUT back to her.

JIM

(voice over with force)

And I want to see him NOW.

Awed, her head nods.

She and shadow MORPH to image on story board.

INT: CONFERENCE ROOM.

Back to review of storyboard. "We" turn the page. There are panels of machine guns, cannons and explosions –

SFX:

(Voice over)

"Pows" and "Thuds" and "Rat-tat-ta’s" to match storyboard.

"We" turn page. Hero breaks down door.

SFX:

(VO)

"Ka-BOOM!"

Next panel: he faces woman. "We" drop our script to reveal Tom dressed in a Power Suit. Marsha snarls up at him in defiance.

TOM

(big)

I came back.

Marsha

So what? Just because you’ve saved my life seven times this episode you expect some gratitude or something?

He puts his hands on her shoulder.

Marsha

Back off you big oaf. You smell like .. like ...

They embrace.

Marsha

(yielding)

... like a MAN.

Brooker leans into frame, hand cupped by ear like an announcer as he reads from script.

Brooker

INSENSITIVITY the New Man’s Cologne from MaxiLon.

Brooker and Tom eagerly turn toward "us". Marsha, still embraced looks up at Tom and sighs.

Brooker & Tom

(together)

Well? Well?

Camera swings in 180 arc past windows to reveal MS. MAXILON ("US") in her blue pinstripe Power Suit (with large black bow).

Ms. MaxiLon

(with tears in eyes)

It’s ... it’s ... beautiful!

Reveal Jim, grinning powerfully in his Power Suit, seated next to her. They exchange a Power Handshake -- which escalates into an arm wrestling match.

grunting, they MORPH into Arnold’s Power Logo®.

Graphics: Words appear as they speak

JIM

(voice over as announcer)

When words fail ...

Arnold

(voice over)

... clothes take over.

JIM

(voice over)

Arnold’s Power Suits --

Arnold

(voice over)

Dressed to Kill

Uzzi fires in background as we ...

FADE to black.

koby@jimkoby.com

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